


The Time She Needed a Friend

by bgeiner



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Series 8 more than Series 9, This is sad ish, Trying to distract myself, fluffy fluffy fluffy, from the impending doom, of my babies death, whouffaldi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-01 12:13:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5205509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bgeiner/pseuds/bgeiner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She cried. </p><p>She cried so hard, and for long. She couldn’t stop crying.<br/>She cried even harder than she did for Danny.<br/>She cried as much as she did for her Mum.</p><p>When that day came, she was not prepared in the slightest for the news she was about to receive. When those few words were spoken ‘She passed on’, she knew that she was done. Done with trying to stay positive, done with trying to remain calm, done with trying to keep it hidden.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> When I wrote this I was distracting myself from college essays and trying to keep my thoughts away from Clara dying the next week... I have deleted the other notes so it's a straight read through!
> 
> So Enjoy and tell if you liked it,  
> or hated it,  
> or need to talk about Whouffaldi feels...  
> ... I am open to suggestions really

* * *

She cried.

 

She cried so hard, and for long. She couldn’t stop crying.

She cried even harder than she did for Danny.

She cried as much as she did for her Mum.

When that day came, she was not prepared in the slightest for the news she was about to receive. When those few words were spoken ‘ _She passed on’_ , she knew that she was done. Done with trying to stay positive, done with trying to remain calm, done with trying to keep it hidden.

Clara was done.

 

* * *

 

 

**_3 weeks earlier_**

**_  
_**

Clara had been anxiously biting her nails and staring at the console, trying to grasp reality. Trying to hang onto what was left of her dwindling control and she was doing it pitifully.

“Ah, what has got the great Clara Oswald in a fix now? Could it be the pile of ungraded quizzes on the desk, or perhaps the disordered chaos that her flat has become a victim too-”

Clara blinked but didn’t move.

“- Oh wait, no… I bet it’s the strangely compelling, masculine figure that stands before her?”

Clara squinted and felt the corner of her mouth twitch. She closed her eyes and breathed out a huff of air through her nose while trying - and failing- to suppress a smile as it tried to escape through her lips.

She moved her head a bit, so she could fit the silhouette of the man who had disrupted her thought process in the corner of her vision.

“Well that got you out of your stupor. Now,” The Doctor said as he moved closer to Clara, “Why are you acting differently.”

Clara moved so her back was resting on the edge of the console, fully allowing the Doctor to fill her line of vision with his confused expression and stiff posture.

“Who says I am acting differently, Doctor?” she questioned him and pinned him with a look of one raised eyebrow, paired with a crafty smirk. She was trying to hide the hurt and sadness, covering it up with cheekiness. 

The Doctor scoffed.

“You humans and your silly blindness to your emotions. You think that you hide it so well, that you have a calm face and subtle exterior tells. Some may fall for it, but as for someone who changes faces, learning to see past the exterior becomes second nature.”

Clara visibly flinched at his comment. Though said with not very elegant words, his point makes Clara feel a sliver of faith.

When people put on masks to hide what they don’t what others to see, there is always that little bit hope that wants someone to notice. Wants someone to see the turmoil or sadness that the façade conceals, they want support and comfort for the pain that they are feeling. That is what Clara equated her current feelings too.

Clara saw the Doctor start to turn around, most likely from the prolonged silence that Clara’s internal debate caused. She took a step forward, pushing herself off the console.

“My Gran hasn’t been doing well lately, Doctor.” She sighed out and watched as the man in front of her rotated his body back around in her direction. “I got a call from my Dad about 2 weeks ago saying that she had gone to Blackpool Victoria Hospital. I hadn’t heard him that shaken in a long time, not since- when Mum had…“ Clara stopped with a small gasp at the realization of her words; silence filled their conversation then.

“Clara.”

The Doctor looked at the small brunette that had her head tilted towards the ground. He watched as a glimmer of something fell to the floor, only realizing after he heard a sniffle that it was a tear. The Doctor would never admit to what had happened next. If one would argue his dispute would be that it was because of the woman that stood before him.

Clara found herself within the hold of a black holey jumper, with arms soon wrapping around her back. The sudden embrace caused Clara to gasp and grasp the cloth that was now pressing into her face. She felt more tears fall from her eyes, betraying what little control she was trying to fool herself in believing that she had. She moved her arms around the Doctors body, burying her face into his chest, trying to absorb his warmth and soaking in the feelings of comfort and safety.

“Clara, tell me what’s wrong.” The Doctor said into her hair. His timber voice rumbled throughout his chest and flooded through Clara. She clasped his sides tighter, not wanting to tell him and knowing that when she did, he would release her of this warm embrace. Clara felt the Doctor begin to stiffen up and unwrap his arms, so she hurried out an explanation.

“It’s my Gran and she hasn’t been doing well. My Dad and I are not sure what is going to happen but the doctors don’t think that there will be a positive outcome." 

Clara ended her sentence with a choked sob and more tears escaping against her will. She tried to hide her face in his jumper, but the Doctor pushed her away at arms length. He used one hand to grasp her chin and lift it so her eyes would meet his.

“Why didn’t you say something before, Clara?”

Disbelief and frustration flashed in her eyes. “Why didn’t I-” Clara scoffed and tried to twist out of the Doctors grasp. She looked him dead in the eyes. “You want to know why I didn’t tell you, Doctor? Hmmm? Cause maybe I didn’t want to bring it up, so it couldn’t be on the table for you to mock or nag about. Perhaps I wanted to forget about it and try to take my mind from it. Maybe I just want a friend who would help me through this and not keep me at arms length.” Clara looked at the hands clutching her forearms and let her anger seep away to sadness. “Maybe I didn’t want you to think that there was something wrong with me and leave.” She whispered. The Doctors expression was unreadable.

Clara sighed. “I’m sorry … I- I didn’t mean to yell- I am just so…” but she was cut off by the Doctor pulling her close again. “Doctor you don’t need to-”

“I am not sure you get a vote, Clara ” The Doctor replied, intentionally using her own words against her. He felt her body sag into him, her wariness winning over her brain.

The Doctor kept his hold around the short woman while he tried to contemplate all that had gone on. Clara’s Gran was not doing well and Clara was trying to cope. Apparently she thought that he wouldn’t care what she was going through. The Doctor felt offended, but his brain soon corrected him, reminding him of how he had treated Clara. He had pushed her away after he regenerated, after he saw how she couldn’t get over the changing of his face. He was hurt and sad, he was left … wishing, hoping- but … then Christmas happened. They both realized what they had and they ran. She opened up to him and opened up to her, even though the touching still took a little getting used to, he was more than happy to do it with Clara.

 The Doctor felt Clara shift in his arms as he returned back to reality. He didn’t know how long they had been standing there but from the deep breaths that reverberated from Clara, the Doctor guessed long enough for her to fall asleep.

He smiled to himself because he was holding a sleeping Clara, even though he would never do it in front of her. He leaned down and put his right arm under her legs and scooped her up. Clara’s head lulled to the side and rested against his chest. The Doctor opened the TARDIS doors and walked to Clara’s bedroom, knowing how tired she was and glad that she was finally sleeping.

He laid her down under her covers and watched her sleep for a few moments before he realized what he was doing. He brought the covers to her chin and he left the room quietly. As he walked towards the main room in her flat, he started to notice how messy it was. Everything seemed to be in disarray. Clothes and shoes scattered with papers and books on the floor, bills and children’s exams strewed out on the table. The Doctor, for reasons he did not know, started to clean the flat. He grouped up the papers and put away the books, started a load of laundry and finished grading the left over exams. Hopefully, Clara wouldn’t be too mad about that, he couldn’t see why though- these children didn’t seem to know proper English. After he was done the cleaning, the Doctor went to the TARDIS and started to work on her.

 


	2. "Your family needs you..."

* * *

Chapter 2

Clara woke up slowly, her eyes gradually adjusting to the light. She was confused for a moment, wondering how she got in her bed, but then she remembered the Doctor and the conversation about her Gran. She smiled as she recalled him hugging her, not once but _twice_. Ever since Christmas, they had both come to realize how they felt about each other and that life is short. More touching ensued and the showing of feelings, the Doctor would laugh and be more lenient about the touching while Clara moved into the TARDIS full time but she still kept her teaching job. It was difficult, but they were working on it.

Clara’s thoughts were interrupted by what sounded like the closing of the TARDIS doors. She arose from her bed and walked out to where the sound had come from. When she reached the living room, she gasped at the cleanliness of it. Everything had been put away and stacked up and she even saw a pile of her laundry, washed and folded. She wanted to cry and smile and hug that silly, gray-haired man but she knew that she would be pushing the bar a bit. The Doctor had been very affectionate to Clara today and she was grateful but she respected him enough to keep him in his comfort zone… sometimes.

Clara saw movement in the corner of her eye and she watched as the Doctor made his way into the room. He wasn’t startled by her presence, she even saw a small smile grace his lips before he resumed his usual expression.

“Your Father called, he said that you should visit the Hospital. Your Gran wants to see you and he said he would even take Lynda out so she wouldn’t be there when you go.”

Clara smiled and moved to go into the kitchen, but the Doctor got to the doorway first and blocked her entrance.

“Clara you should really go, your family needs you. Some of your coworkers called, they were worried about you, about how you seemed to be out of it.”

Clara stared at the Doctor, she had never seen him this adamant about something in a long time, especially something that she was directly involved with.

“Doctor I know I need to go but… I just need to get myself together. I am always the rock in my family and I haven’t been able to do that. I have to be strong and I can’t... I can’t let her down.”

“You could never do that, Clara. You are strong no matter what, always brave, never cowardly. You never give up and I know for a fact that no one would be ashamed of you for not being the strongest you can be. Your family loves you Clara, your Grandmother especially.”

The Doctor turned, going into the kitchen. He brought back a mug full of tea and her shoes. Clara gazed at the objects, confused on what he was doing or possibly insisting.

“Come on then, we will go to the Hospital and visit your Gran-”

“We…?” Clara said quietly as he kept talking, buzzing around the room in search of something.

“Yes Clara, **_we_**. Now please keep up, we must get in the TARDIS and go. If you want we can stop and get something too.”

The Doctor kept talking as he went into the TARDIS, hands still holding her shoes and now her purse. She smiled at how he was being her friend. She followed her best friend into the blue box, ready to face anything, just as long as he was there beside her.


	3. Visiting and Old Friends

* * *

 

Chapter 3

 

The TARDIS landed next to a bus stop and across from the Cardiac Center. When the Doctor and Clara finally figured out where they were going, they met Dave outside of the hospital room.

“Clara, you made it!” Dave shouted while pulling her into a tight hug. Clara offered a hug back and she smiled. “Yeah Dad, I’m here.”

Dave pulled away and fixed the Doctor with a stare. “Eh, who is this?" 

“Dad, this is my good friend the Doctor. Doctor… this is my Dad.”

“Yes, it's good to meet you Dave Oswald.” The Doctor said as he shook Dave’s hand.

“Your name is the Doctor?” Dave questioned and turned to his daughter, “Didn’t you know another chap by that name. Wasn’t he Swedish or something- came on Christmas and-” 

“Yes, I mean no- that was a different man. This is uh… Doctor Smith!” Clara tried to fix her mistake, but she was faltering. 

“Aye, Doctor John Smith and I am definitely not Swedish.” The Doctor butted in and cleared everything up. Dave looked confused at first but then he accepted and smiled. “Well, any friend of Clara’s is a friend of mine-” but the man’s sentence was cut off by a clearing-of-the-throat coming from behind them.  

The Doctor could sense Clara stiffening up, the tension rolling off of her in waves. That means it could only be... 

“Linda!” Mr. Oswald said to the woman who was now standing off to his right. She looked offensively towards the Doctor and made a face of disgust.

“Look who finally decided to show up.” Linda said with malice towards Clara. The Doctor backed up and turned so Clara was directly beside him. She made a move to grab his hand and he held on tight, knowing that she needed his support now.

 “Yes Linda, I have come to see my Gran. I thought you said that you guys were going somewhere?” The last sentence was directed to her Dad, who was looking between the two women. 

“Your right Clara, come on Linda, let’s go.”

“Who is this, Clara? I thought you would have stop gallivanting with men for a time because of Danny’s death but… hmm, apparently not.”

This comment set Clara off.

“This is my Doctor, he is my friend, and how _dare_ you mention Danny at a time like this.” Clara shot back at the woman, and her anger was rising to a dangerous level. The Doctor looked at Clara and could see how much she wanted to go and just talk to her Gran. He looked to Dave and nodded, speaking a few words, “I believe we will be off to the room now, nice to meet you.” and with that, the Doctor guided Clara into the room leaving the others outside. 

“You didn’t need to do that Doctor, I was fine. She needs to be put in her place, how dare she talk that way about you- I can't believe she said all of that!”

“Clara, calm down. Clara-” She was getting ready to argue with him. 

“Clara, Clara! Linda is not the point of this visit. Your Gran needs you and you need to focus on her.” The Doctor said as he lightly grasped her upper arms. 

Clara looked into his eyes and took a deep breath. The Doctor then noticed how her eyes inflated and she spun around as if the realization had just struck her. He looked up to see Clara’s Gran smiling at them; Clara ran to her bedside and hugged her.

“Oh Gran, I am so happy to see you!” The two women smiled and laughed as they hugged each other for dear life. 

“Clara! Oh, how good it is to see you. I have been waiting for you to come and visit me,” Clara pulled back and frowned as she looked to the floor, “but I am glad you are here now.” She said while guiding her granddaughter’s chin to look at her.

 “Gran… there is someone I would like you to meet.” Clara walked to the Doctor and she wrapped her arms around his left one. She stared up at him and the Doctor felt something stir within him. In her eyes, he could see warmth and love swirling in those pools of chocolate brown. The words spoken barely 2 minutes ago flashed in his mind.

‘ _My Doctor’_  

“This is the Doctor and he is my best friend.”

The Doctor could see her Gran giving them a skeptical look from the corner of his eye. “Friend? Hmm, might have to change that- but never mind! Wasn’t that Swedish man you brought for Christmas named Doctor too?”

“Um, that’s a story for another time, Gran, now is all about you,” Clara said as she released the Doctor and sat on the side of her grandmother's bed. The Doctor brought over two chairs from the corner of the room. Clara sat down in the one and pulled it up close to the side of the bed, while the Doctor stayed a few feet from them, not choosing to sit yet. He wanted to give Clara the opportunity to talk and be with her Gran and he wondered if he should leave for a bit.

Clara could feel the man’s uneasiness from across the room. “I wouldn’t mind if you stayed Doctor.” She smiled when she heard the table that he was standing next to thud as if he was startled by her comment. Her Gran laughed and nodded to Clara. “Doctor you can sit down. There is nothing that Clara nor I will say that you don’t need to hear. You probably know more about her than I do.” Clara looked at her Gran surprisingly but the old women only laughed again.

 “So, tell me dear, what’s new.”

“Well, teaching has been good I guess and I have been traveling!” When she said this she looked at the Doctor, even though he was busy looking at the machines- she could tell he was listening in.

 “Really! Where have you traveled my dear?”

Clara’s eyes went wide… ‘ _oh_   _bugger’_

“She travels with me, Ms. Oswald. We have gone to many places, but mostly only around Europe.” The Doctor said, saving Clara from her mistake.

“That sounds nice. Oh and Doctor, please call me Seren- no need for formalities. So tell me Clara, how have your travels been?”

Clara wanted to change the subject, not wanting to lie to her Gran but the old women looked so excited and happy. Clara spent the next hour and a half describing the places she has been too, with a few alterations to the stories of course, but the emotion that could be felt through her words rang true. The Doctor had decided to sit in the chair about 20 minutes through the storytelling. By the time Clara was finished telling her about her adventures, the Doctor had dozed off. When Seren had pointed it out to Clara, she noticed the warm smile that had bloomed across her granddaughters face.The two women talked about her Grandmothers treatment for a half hour before the conversation was cut short by Linda barging through the door.

“Clara it is time to go, Seren needs her rest.” Linda said with a sneer.

“Clara is perfectly fine where she is, I quite like her company,” her Gran said with a muffled ‘unlike yours’ following after it. Clara gave a small smile to her Gran, “Its okay, I should be going. I have to find the Doctor and make sure that he hasn’t gotten into any trouble anyway.” She patted her grandmother’s hand and placed her chair back in its corner. She went back and gave her a hug and listen to what her Gran said in her ear. 

“Don’t let him go Clara, he’s a keeper.” She slowly pulled away with a smile on her face, “I remember when your grandfather would look at me like that, so don’t let him go Clars. _For me_ …”

Clara responded with a sad smile, “I will hold on extra tight for you." She could feel Linda’s eyes burning a hole in the back of her head, so she turned on her heal and gave her a fake smile.

“Goodbye Linda,” Clara walked to the doorway, “Goodbye Gran, see you later.” With that, she walked out into the hallway in search for the Doctor. 

She found him inside a patient’s room, talking to them like he knew them. Clara could hear his laugh down the hallway, _his_ laugh! She immediately poked her head in to find him sitting in a chair next to the hospital bed. 

He was smiling and talking to a woman who was lying in the white bed, laughing hysterically.

“I swear, you would have loved Amy. If you two had met each other-,” but his sentence was cut off by the onslaught of laughter that bubbled through him. Clara couldn’t hold back the smile that split open on her face. Her grumpy, gray, penguin running stick insect looked so relaxed and worry-free at the moment.

“Oh, Clara! I didn’t know you were done, I must have lost track of the time. Come here- there is someone I want you to meet!” He got up from his chair and shuffled to her, pulling on her arm towards the figure in the bed. 

“So this is the famous Clara Oswald.” The darker skinned woman lifted herself up and gave her a beaming smile. “I would like to shake your hand because I don’t know how you put up with this man. I mean- when I had him, he was sulking too but not as bad as this.”

Clara smiled and shook the women’s hand, but her furrowed brow and curious look showed that she was confused. “You have met the Doctor before, correct?” 

“Oh yes, I forgot to introduce myself… My name is Martha Jones- well it used to be Jones, now it's Smith. Don’t tell Mickey that I slipped.” She smirked at the Doctor on the last comment. “I traveled with him when he looked much younger, with his spiky hair and those god awful red trainers.” Martha laughed when she heard the Doctor mumble,

"Those red trainers were comfortable and excellent for running, unlike someone and her heals!" He said with a sly smirk towards Clara.

“Well if you weren't so tall, I wouldn’t have to wear them. And don’t you dare say that it is my fault that I'm short- 5 foot 2 is average height, Doctor.” 

Martha stopped laughing and put her hand on her stomach. Clara only noticed now that Martha was pregnant, she looked far along too. 

“Oh, I felt it move.”

Clara rushed a look to Martha, not sure whether to be happy or worried. “How far along are you?” Martha looked to Clara and smiled gently. “I still have a few weeks left, they just wanted to check up on me. I came in for a quick visit, but they got busy and told me to wait.” 

“So why are you lying in a hospital bed?” She questioned. The Doctor interjected, “Come now Clara, you must know that near the end of a human female pregnancy standing gets quite uncomfortable.” Clara glared and huffed out a slightly annoyed sigh while trying to hide her smirk. 

“Is he usually like this?” Martha asked. 

“Actually, he's usually worse, but I have been softening him up.” Clara smiled and laid her head on his shoulder. The Doctor grumbled and slinked out of her reach and walked to the door.

“I hate to say goodbye Martha, but- bye,” and with that, the Doctor left the room.

Clara chuckled and shook her head, “He usually does that too. I hope you feel better Martha and I wish you luck with your pregnancy.”

“Thank you Clara, and I wish you luck with taking care of him,” she motions to the door. Clara nodded, thanked her and started out of the room. 

“Do you mind of I visit you again Martha?” Clara quickly asked.

“Well, I don’t know when I will be back, hopefully because it’s the big day but… yeah, Clara, I would love for you to visit. Here, I will give you my number, and- if you need anyone to talk to about your Gran… I am here.” Clara looked at the friendly woman in shock; she didn’t believe that she had mentioned it during their conversation at all.

“The Doctor told me, I wanted to know why he was here.” Clara nodded and watched as Martha entered the contact into her phone. As she was crossing the threshold of the door, Martha called out, “Clara… be good to him, I have seen that look in his eyes before but I was there when it was fading. Don’t let it fade, tell him how you feel.” Before Clara could question, a nurse walked into the room and asked Clara to kindly leave. 

The five foot two brunette walked out of Blackpool Victoria Hospital, sure of her Grans health but confused on her own personal feelings… ‘ _Don’t let him go. Don’t let it fade, tell him how you feel. For me…’_


	4. She Cried

* * *

Chapter 4 

 

_She cried._

She cried so hard, and for long. She couldn’t stop crying.

She cried even harder than she did for Danny.

She cried as much as she did for her Mum.

When that day came, she was not prepared in the slightest for the news she was about to receive. When those few words were spoken ‘ _She passed on’_ , she knew that she was done. Done with trying to stay positive, done with trying to remain calm, done with trying to keep it hidden.

She had just gotten home from Coal Hill, happy that she had finished grading all her papers and more than ready to have a relaxing evening. She put on some water for tea and went to draw a hot bath for herself before she remembered that she was supposed to call the Doctor when she got home. It had been two weeks since they visited her Gran together and saw Martha. Clara had seen her Gran almost every day after school since then but she had told the Doctor that he didn’t need to be there after they had gotten back to her flat. She could still remember the sad look on his face, hidding it with a smile and saying that he had a few errands he needed to run and that it was fine.

That was two weeks ago and Clara hadn’t heard from him since.

She was worried, to say the least. She had pulled out her phone, turning it on to see that there was a voicemail in her inbox.

She listened to it.

Her face turned into an expressionless canvas and tears had gathered in the corners of her eyes. She dropped her phone, heard as it crashed to the grown- and soon followed it.

Clara collapsed in on herself, sobbing uncontrollably as she closed her eyes and tried to breathe. She couldn’t believe what she heard; it was too soon- she wasn’t ready to be alone. She hadn’t even said goodbye properly! Clara cried for quite a bit after that, by the time she had realized that her bath was still running, she had stopped it just in time. The water was sloshing around at the brim of the basin, threatening to spill out. She stared down at the tub filled with water and she wondered what she would do. Wondered what she would give too-

But her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of the TARDIS. Clara heard the door open and a voice call her name- the only voice that she wanted to hear at the moment. She thought she ran out of tears but apparently they were back and coming fast.

“ _Clara_?” 

She knew that she had lost the resolve she had over her emotions as she felt another track down her cheek. She let her sorrows fill her again when she saw his face peek through the bathroom door. 

The Doctor felt his hearts plummet when he saw his Clara on the bathroom floor crying. He quickly acted on instinct and scooped her up into her arms, cradling her within his grasp and sitting on the tiled floor. He felt her grip on his jumper and he tried to soothe her but his attempts were in vain, for it only made her cry harder. The Doctor looked around the bathroom, trying to figure out what could have caused this much pain to his impossible girl. Then he noticed the bath tub full of water and Clara’s phone lying on the ground a few centimeters away. He shifted the fragile women in his lap so she rested more comfortable against him; this also gave him a closer reach to obtaining the phone. 

Clara felt the Doctor move away from her grasp but she didn’t want him to move. She grasped and held on tighter to the Doctor, afraid that he was going to move and possibly leave.

The Doctor noticed Clara increasing her hold on him just as he grasped the phone. He brought the phone next to him and placed it by his leg. He then returned his arm to Clara and moved his hand to grasp her face. He tilted her face and brushed off the tears on her cheeks with his thumb. The Doctor gave her a sad smile, trying to show her that he was here, caring for her and ready to listen. Clara failed to return his gesture and simply closed her eyes, making more tears fall. She let her head sink down, not wanting to look at him right now.

The Doctor closed his eyes and leaned forward to kissed Clara’s head, slowing inhaling and catching the smell of her shampoo, then he breathed out her name. 

“Clara, tell me what’s wrong.” He moved his head back, trying to see her face but she just shifted again. This time, she was sitting evenly on his lap and hugging him with her face buried in his shoulder. “Clara?” he asked again but he was greeted again with silence. 

“Is your water faulty again. I remember when you filled your tub completely with cold water but we can sonic it. I learned how to be temperature specific now.” Clara couldn’t help but let a little smile break through because of the Doctors ramblings. 

“No Doctor it’s-” but she was interrupted by him again.

 “Oh- I know! It’s the phone… wait, are you crying over your candy crush game cause if so, we need to talk.”

“Doctor, shut up!” Clara grabbed his face between her hands, making him focused on her. He immediately stopped talking and looked into her eyes.

“Doctor-“ her voice broke and she took a deep breath, “It’s about my Gran.” She watched as the Doctors face fell and sorrow and grief cloud those grey eyes of his. She always loved his eyes.

“Clara … my Clara, I am so sorry.” He wrapped his arms around her again and just held her as his impossible girl fought to gain control.


	5. Not love, Not always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to anyone who is still reading this... I write for you.

 

 

* * *

 

Chapter 5

 

Eventually they had moved from the bathroom floor to the couch in the living room. The Doctor told Clara to sit while he remade the tea and listened to the message on the phone. The voicemail was spoken in a quiet voice with remorseful tones. Dave Oswald was sad that Clara wasn’t able to say her goodbyes but he relayed as much as he could to her. The Doctor finished up with the tea and brought it out to Clara, who was staring off into space while sitting perfectly still. He cleared his throat and put a hand on her shoulder, trying to get her attention cautiously. 

“Here, I made tea.” He watched as she blinked a few times, slowly coming back down to earth from wherever her mind flew off too.

“Thank you, Doctor.” Clara didn’t want to do much of anything at the moment. She didn’t want tea and she certainly didn’t want to cry anymore, she just wanted her Gran back. She felt the spot next to her on the couch sink down from the Doctors weight and felt his gaze on her. 

“Clara, you should change your clothes and put on some pajamas. It will help you feel better.” He said in a hushed tone, trying to be gentle with his words. Clara could start to feel herself get emotional again- not with sadness, but anger.

“I don’t think I can feel _better_ just because I changed clothes. I don’t want to change or drink or-r sleep, I just want-”

“Yes, I know what you want Clara but there is nothing you can do. You can’t bring your Gran back and you can’t just sit here. I am sorry but you-,” but before the Doctor could finish Clara stood up abruptly, “I don’t want you to be sorry Doctor, I just want to go back and see her! See my Gran one last time, to say goodbye and tell her how much I love her! I don’t need to change anything- just say goodbye.” She let her breath extinguish on the last word before she realized how dizzy she felt.

Clara could feel herself start to fall and gravity take effect on her body. Her mind felt fuzzy and blackness started to seep into the sides of her vision. She felt herself gasp in air, but she didn’t feel like she was the one doing it, more like witnessing someone else.

 The Doctor watched as Clara declared her anguish over her recent tragedy but soon realized there was something wrong as her words became more breathy as she went on. She started to become off balance and he felt his instincts kick in. He sprung up and grabbed Clara and pulled her to him. He grasped her waist then slid in right arm down to hook under her knees while his left arm clutched her shoulders. He lifted her bridal style and looked at her face, her eyes were closed, but her brow was furrowed. She moaned and turned her head towards his chest, snuggling into his jacket.

“Clara,” The Doctor let a smile spread across his face, but he was still concerned. He supposed that she hadn’t eaten in hours; she must have gotten home, heard the bad news and things just got forgot from there. He thought about what to do with the girl in his arms.

“Of course, the only way you'd actually listen is when you have no choice.” The Doctor walked to her bedroom and laid her on the bed. The thought of him possibly having to undress the women made him blush and he felt warm all over. He shook his head; there was no place for those thoughts at the moment. The Doctor walked to Clara’s dresser and tried to search for comfortable clothes. 

Clara stirred awake to a man going through her drawers. She sat up abruptly and quickly regretted it when she felt the onslaught of a headache come on.

“Where are bloody clothes when you need them. There are tons in the closet and on every piece of furniture in here, but none of them work! Remind me to tell you that your fashion sense is faulty."

Clara realized that the man was the Doctor as she heard his voice and saw his silver hair catch the light from the streetlamps outside. She watched him move around, apparently looking for clothes and noticeably struggling. Clara smiled and could not help but laugh.

The Doctor must have heard her chuckle because he abruptly turned towards her with an owlish look on his face. “Clara, where are your pajamas!” He said as he threw what looked like a swimsuit on the floor.

“Uh, Doctor there in the last drawer, on the right.” Clara pointed to the bottom of her dresser. He huffed and opened the drawer, pulling out her sweats and an old tee.

He walked over and handed the clothes, “Here, change. I will look away don’t worry.” Clara stared at the back of his head after he spun around. She shrugged and slowly took off her dress and put on the fresh clothes that the Doctor had given her. 

She did feel better after she was done, she had to admit. 

“You can turn around now, Doctor.”

The Doctor turned around with a tired look on his face. She had just noticed how worn he looked, she was distracted before- never noting the exhaustion in his features and fatigue in his voice.

“Do you want to sleep? You kind of… well- eh, fainted?” He brought his arm behind his head and stretched his neck. Clara smiled at his bashfulness and nodded. She watched as he grunted, but he started to walk away towards the door. “Doctor?” Clara didn’t know why she called out, well she did- but admitting why was not going to happen anytime soon. 

He turned around, confusion etched across his face. “What is it?” 

Clara didn’t want him to go but how can she get him to stay? “I uhh-, well I was wondering if you could... um... stay?.”

The Doctors eyes widen, did she really just ask him to stay. Millions of thoughts whirled around his head, but he whisked them all away. No, Clara was grieving and she just wanted comfort. Clara watched as he took one last look at the door then moved towards the bed. He sat down on top of it to allow the removal his shoes and jacket. He folded them, placed them on her desk and walked to the bed, slowly lying on top of it.

Clara raised one eyebrow accompanied with a smile as she saw how uncomfortable and stoic he looked. The Doctor didn’t respond, he just laid in silence with his eyes closed. “Wow Doctor, you really know how to satisfy a girl, don’t you.” Clara laughed as the Doctor opened on eye and glaring at her like she just offended his mother. 

“I am trying to sleep Clara, otherwise known as what _you_ should be doing.”

Clara sighed and tugged the covers out from under the Doctors body. “Get under the covers, you daft old man.”

He sighed, moved off the bed, allowing Clara to draw back the covers which he previously laid on. After Clara was finished, she looked up and gave him a big tired smile, hoping to get him to cooperate. The Doctor let himself fall into the sheets but before he could adjust anymore, the small women who he was occupying the bed with wrapped herself around him.

“Clara.. wha -“ 

“Shh, don’t talk... I just want you to hold me at the moment.” For a few moments, the Doctor lied stone still as Clara held him; he was a bit confused because this was not what she said. “Clara… can-I um move you maybe. I think you will be more comfortable if I...” He left his sentence open as he felt her soft nod against his side and decided to turn towards her. He put his hands on her waist and twisted so she was facing the opposite wall, coming up from behind her and letting his right arm bring her small, lithe form against his chest.

Clara was shocked to say the least, her heart fluttering rapidly. She could feel his chest against her back and smiled when his legs intermingled with hers. They were spooning…. She closed her eyes and snuggled into the pillow, fully satisfied and happy for the moment with no sorrow plaguing her thoughts. The Doctor listened to Clara’s breathing even out and felt her relax in his arms. He couldn’t help but lean down and kiss her temple, whispering goodnight before he settled himself in with Clara safely in his arms.

><><><>< 

Clara awoke slowly, letting the light from the windows seep through her eyelids. She shifted in her bed a bit but soon stopped cause her movement was restricted. She felt something around her stomach tighten; she looked down and saw that it was an arm. Clara maneuvered herself and turned around in its grip, coming face to face with the Doctor. His features were relaxed and not burdened by worry or fatigue; he slumbered on while she studied his face. Clara couldn’t resist reaching out and tracing the aged lines etched into his forehead. She ran her thumb across his lips, feeling their smooth coarseness, two words so contradictory of themselves but describing them so perfectly. She wondered how those thin lips would feel against her own- _No…_

'Don’t think about that- it will just confuse things.' She had bigger things to deal with at the moment. But then her Gran’s words flash through her mind, _“Don’t let him go Clars. For me…”_

Clara felt the Doctors face move beneath her hands, his nose twitch and his brows furrow. 

“Clara” he murmured gruffly, his voiced laced with sleep. 

Clara smiled at his unconscious mumbling. “Doctor…” she drew out in a low, melodic voice. She threaded her fingers through his soft grey curls, admiring their fluffiness. The Doctor let out a moan, not wanting to move. Clara nudged him and spoke his name again, trying to quietly wake him but was soon laughing as a bundle buried itself under the covers. “Doctor?” she asked, her mirth-laced voice emitting a brilliant smile that she could barely contain on her face. Suddenly she felt a gasp leave her as cold hands wrapped themselves around her waist. A weight rested on her stomach shortly after the intrusion and she could feel fluffy curls against her abdomen, her shirt must have ridden up in the night. 

Clara ran her fingers through the silver stands, dragging and circulating her nails back and forth through his hair. She laughed at the sound that erupted from underneath the covers, it sounded like a purr.

The Doctor hummed with content and snuggled deeper into Clara, basking in her warmth and softness. He knew what she was doing when she was watching him ‘sleep’. In actuality, he had been awake an hour before her and had been watching _her_ sleep in his arms. He would be lying if he said that he didn’t want something like last night to happen again- without all the crying of course. 

All thoughts were broken by the sound of an alarm, Clara forgot to turn it off yesterday and the harsh reality of life came flooding back. Clara sighed and excused herself to the bathroom, taking a shower and getting ready for the day, leaving the Doctor to his own devices. The Doctor freshened himself up in the TARDIS and left shortly to grab some breakfast. He brought back pastries and a soufflé in hopes to better Clara’s morning. He had landed during the French Revolution, bad timing as always, barely making out alive with the pastries. Luckily, the second time he landed, he was able to get the soufflé without dogging rebellious rioters- actually, Julia Child was quite pleased to provide him with the beautiful baked good that was so precious to Clara. But then there was a mishap with where the TARDIS was parked causing him to be chased by angry shopkeepers and bobby’s- but no matter, it was certainly worth the smile on his beautiful companions face. 

After their breakfast, Clara phoned her dad and listened to him intently. They were informed that the funeral would be in 2 day’s and that it will be a big help if Clara could go to the hospital and pick up a few things. 

“Apparently some paperwork still needs to be signed and my family left a few personal items there.” Clara left the Doctor in the living room as she went to get her trainers and jumper. He nabbed a quick look on Clara’s face before she disappeared, that sad smile he knew to well was present. He would make it his job to make her smile in happiness for as long as he could, remembering the radiant beam from this morning.

They took the TARDIS to the Hospital, not wanting to deal with traffic or noisy cabbies. The engines had been quieter, the old girl trying to comfort Clara. She appreciated the gesture that the box was providing and patted the walls on her way out. The two-time travelers felt out of place as they waited in the waiting room. The Doctor, tense with worry for Clara’s wellbeing and Clara, still a little shocked and disbelieving of recent events. Finally after 20 minutes of waiting, a nurse brought them back to her Grans room, leaving them shortly after Clara had signed the required papers. Clara moved around the white room, grabbing all the little trinkets and small personal things that had been left behind. When she got to the nightstand beside the bed, she saw a letter with her name on it. She picked it up for closer inspection; she would recognize her Gran’s writing anywhere. Clara looked to the Doctor, asking silently if he could excuse her for a moment. He smiled gently, nodding he grabbed the door handle and left with a click. 

Clara slowly opened the letter, willing herself not to cry yet. She looked upon the handwritten paper and read it to herself. 

 

 _Dear Clara,_

_I hope you get to read this shortly after I have gone, I have written it in hopes that it may help you in your grief. I remember how hard your mother’s death hit you; you were such a little girl, but you were so brave. My darling girl, you have been so strong and I am so very proud of you. If Ellie was here today she would the happiest mother, having a daughter so courageous. I know life has been hard lately, Danny’s death was tragic and my passing has not made your situation any better, but don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid of being without us, of being sad or being alone. You are not very good at being alone. Always remember that not everything ends, not love, not always. You told me that once and now I am telling it to you_

_I hope that you can overcome the sorrow, Clara. Do not push people away from you either. That man you have is too special to let go. I can see the love in both of your eye’s, the same look your grandfather and I once gave each other and your mother gave to your father. Don’t let that emotion turn against you; use it to heal yourself. I know that our family will be a bit rough after I am gone, but be kind to Linda for me- she isn’t all that bad and she makes your father happy. I know you will understand some day. But that doesn’t mean you can’t give her hell once in a while._

_I must say goodbye now Clara. Know that I have always loved you more than a granddaughter. Your smiles and laughter filled my heart after Ellie left and now I hope your Doctor can fill that space in your heart._

_I will love you forever and always,_

_Seren~_

 

Clara finished the letter, unshed tears finally escaping down her cheek as she closed her eyes. Her grandmother’s words had been perfect and she wanted to hug her so badly. Say that she loved her one last time, cry into her shoulder and beg her not to leave, but she couldn’t. The right thing to do would be to let her memory live on and go be happy. Clara smiled at the notion of her Gran matching her and the Doctor together. A quiet knock sounded on the door and her grey haired friend stuck his head through the door.

“Are you okay?” he asked, nervous but worried, ready to comfort her at a beckoning call. Clara nodded and got up from the bed, folding the letter back into its envelope and tucked it into her purse.

“Yeah, I am a lot better actually, but… I could use a hug,” she looked at him with her wide eye’s and he couldn’t help but cave. They met in the middle and enveloped each other in their warm grasps. Clara tucked her head under the Doctors chin, closing her eyes and sighing. His hugs always felt like home, like coming back from a long journey and sinking into her own bed.

The Doctor buried his nose into her brown hair, closing his eyes and basking in her warmth and comfort. Clara always smelled good. Her lavender shampoo gave him immense comfort and calmed him immediately. After a few minutes had passed, the Doctor broke the silence first.

“Mickey was wondering if we wanted to stop by and see the baby.” Clara’s head shot up and she stared in disbelief at him. “Martha had her baby!”

“Well plural baby, there is two. The twins were just born yesterday and Mickey saw me in the hallway and asked. Martha must have told him about us earlier.”

Clara happily let the Doctor escort her to the Smith’s room, anxious to see the babies and Martha. They knock on the door and Martha’s voices brought them in. The women in the bed looked absolutely exhausted but more radiant than the sun. She looked at the Clara and gave her a sad smile but ushered her over to the side of the bed.

“I heard the news and I am very sorry Clara.” 

Clara smiled and thanked the women, but she wanted to change the topic. “How did it go yesterday.”

Martha retold the events of yesterday to both of them, Clara sat in a chair by the bed and the Doctor was leaning against the wall. Mickey came in later with the two bundles and laid them with his wife. He kissed her forehead and told her that the nurse said that they may go home in a day or so. Martha thanked him and smiled at the two little humans in her arms. 

“Their names are Elliot and Emma.” Clara watched as the two babies looked at her with big brown eyes. “They are very beautiful, Martha.” 

“Yes, good thing they took more physical traits from you and not Mickey.” The Doctor smirked at the man in the corner but soon went over to shake his hand. “But seriously, congratulations.” Mickey smiled at the Doctor, “Yeah thanks, and I am glad that they don’t have big ears either.” Everyone in the room laughed and the Doctor even crack a smile, knowing that he was beaten.

The group of friends talked for a while more but were soon interrupted by wails of hunger. “Sorry, but apparently it's feeding time.” Martha smiled sadly at the two but they understood. Clara gave Martha a hug and wished her good luck with the new additions to the family. Martha gestured to the Doctor and he slowly dragged his feet over, letting her give him a hug. She whispered something to him, which made him scoff; he laughed and nodded turning around and smiling at Clara. They said their goodbye and left the room, heading back towards the TARDIS. 

Clara and the Doctor opened the doors to the blue box, walking in and both leaned against the console.

“Thank You, Doctor,” Clara said looking at him, trying to convey her feelings through these words, “Thank you for caring.”

He turned his head towards her and smiled, “Certainly Clara, I have a duty of care you know.”

Both of their smiles grew and they laughed, “I guess I care for you too since the TARDIS can’t do all the babysitting around here.” Clara started to walk past him, her smirk trailing behind her until she felt herself being lifted up into the air and twirled around in a circle. She gasped and shrieked in delight, wrapping her arm around the Doctor as they spun. He set her down and looked into her eyes, the emotion of love filling the air between to the two.

“Are you saying that I can’t take care of myself?” The Doctor said, breathing faster than normal but not from the spinning hug. The close proximity could be felt by both parties but neither of them were willing to separate any time soon.

“Well, you did call me your carer once.” The space was lessening by the second. Breaths were mingling and lips were being licked in preparation of meeting.

Clara wanted to kiss his lips more than anything at the moment but the Doctor let a clever smile spread across his face, making her pause.

“I think I could get used to being cared for by you, Clara… that is- if you think you can handle it.” Clara was about to return his flirty remark but was interrupted by the pressure of his lips. She forgot about her retort and let the Doctor fill her senses with his taste, his smell, his feelings. Both of them were being overloaded with the sensation each other but the promise of love outshined the rest. 

Neither the Doctor nor Clara was letting go anytime soon…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The morning scene was a based off of xXdreameaterXx's 'Somewhere To Belong' - I melted when I read that part(:  
> PS: Kudo or Comment- I am a lonely soul and need social interaction(:

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything! These characters are too amazing for my mind to ever conceive.  
> (BBC owns it all)


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